A promise for Revival of Life & A Revival of Joy

Sometimes it takes a great awakening to realize your life is slipping away from the course you hoped… In bad way. For me, it was realizing that my depression was taking over my life. I had lost my favorite hobbies, the love of my life, and a good bit of friends. As I sat alone in my room, thinking of the old Tracy that I had slowly but surely lost, I decided I need revive the woman I wanted to be. 

So you may be curious, about how I lost my hobbies. I used to read a book a week, write all the time, and research skincare constantly. I love taking care of plants and learning all I can about them. I loved being around the friends that I made feel like family. I was always finding new and fun things we could try together. Traveling was a great passion of mine. Before 2019, I had visited 13 states and 6 countries. I had a goal to visit all the states in the US. It sparked a desire to keep exploring. Somewhere along the way, I started to let the circumstances around me, change me. Steal my happiness.

Right before the pandemic hit, I was working a job that I hated. I would describe it as a toxic work environment. I had been tirelessly applying to new jobs, and an opportunity that I was very excited about came my way. I would get to travel for work about the pay increase would have been significant. But with the craziness of the pandemic, my job offer got rescinded and I ended up staying in my toxic job for another year. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for having a job but while my friends were living off unemployment, they had the opportunity to learn new skills, build businesses, and explore themselves. I was working from home in my dark bedroom. It was a pandemic so there was nowhere to go, you couldn’t see your friends, and of course, there was the heartache and panic that came with COVID-19. I was engulfed in worry, sadness, and the toxic job that I couldn’t escape. I let all the bad news consume me. 

What the pandemic triggered in me was fear, anxiety, and loneliness. Although life has basically gotten back to normal, my mental health has not. The friendships that I had lost, stayed lost. Reading was hard because I found myself distracted. Anytime the plants that I loved much took a turn for the worst, I felt like a failure so I stopped growing my collection of plants. My depression turned me into a person that wasn’t good for my partner. I felt like my life was crumbling. 

So today, after a good therapy session,  I took a step back to review my life. How can I revive myself? Survive depression. I will take it one day at a time. I will ask for grace and patience from those around me. I will ask for forgiveness from those that I hurt. I will go outside more often and try new things. I will not be so hard on myself. I will show love to my friends and family. 

I hope anyone who reads this, who needed to hear this, can take a step back and do some self-evaluation on what is stealing your joy and how you can get it back.